Category Archives: Motives

What bleeds leads – pt 1

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This phrase normally refers to the unfortunate and pervasive truth that the more shocking or dramatic a story is, the more likely it is to make it to the front page of a newspaper. Even the best intentioned of us can find ourselves sucked into a juicy headline or a shocking picture wanting to know the details of what happened.

The media does this to grab our attention. We respond …. because …..?

I have been overwhelmed by the response to my last post and want to make sure my motives here are clear.   I am writing to:

- encourage

- break the silence

- challenge

- heal

- reflect & learn

I am not writing to:

- get attention

- self- promote

- slam anyone or anything

If that fits for you, then welcome here.

May I speak candidly?

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I have been silent because I have been afraid.

Afraid of what you might think if you knew.

Afraid of what you might say if I really talked to you.

Afraid that you might not understand.

But I’m not afraid now.  So here it is….

I burned out.  Badly. Spectacularly. I can tell you the date, the time, the circumstances and the details of the moment when I crashed.  I was at the end of my physical, emotional and spiritual reserves and it resulted in one of the most devastating and profound experiences of my life.

The reason I want to write about this is because I know I’m not alone and I think there might be someone who might get some encouragement in knowing they are not alone either. So, for the next while, I’m going to put some of this down – knowing my motives are pure and trusting that God will do with these words as He sees fit… Just as He continues to do with my heart.

Been there, done that ….or have I?

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I’ve always loved self-awareness quizzes and assessments.  It doesn’t matter if they’re in a waiting room magazine or much more sophisticated, reliable (expensive types).  I shudder to think about how much time and money I’ve spent on these over the years.

Looking back, I think I’ve had different kinds of motives in completing them.  Sometimes, I was truly looking for guidance about how to become a better person…other times, I’ve been looking for affirmation that I’m actually okay just the way I am. Sometimes I’ve been looking for ways to work with others better…and other times, I’ve been desperate to find a way that would help me to be heard better.

Of all the tests and assessments I’ve done though, I’ve come to see that while not all are created equal, there is something to be potentially gained if I’m looking in the right direction and with the right motives.

Regardless of what I’m good at, gifted in, strong in or called to….it will all fall short if my motives aren’t pure or if I don’t understand…believe…that God is who He says he is and that I am who He says I am….His child, His beloved.

Identity Shift in Progress

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I had the privilege of being a participant at a 2-part retreat called “Body of Purpose” put on by two amazing women (Mel and Crystal - please click on their names…I’d love you to meet them!).  One of the best parts was being a part of them fulfilling their purposes, as they helped to equip me for fulfilling my purposes.  But this post isn’t about that per se….

We did an exercise that involved us identifying goals and visioning for our lives.  As I was asking God which magazine pictures to cut out and paste on my poster board, I noticed a couple of things.  Firstly, I heard the word “achieve” from a member of the group and I involuntarily groaned.  Secondly, almost everything that made it on to my board had to do with “being”…rather than “doing”.

In the past, when I’ve done goal-setting or life-purpose planning work, there has been strong emphasis on what I would like to do …or accomplish…or achieve.  And guess where my heart was? And my identity?

I still have goals (I think I’m hard-wired for strategic thinking and purpose-planning!), but they no longer form my identity…at least to the extent they once did.  I truly am more concerned with who I am rather than what I am doing.

So, I’m celebrating the opportunity to process in a new way what God’s purposes for my life are (thanks, Mel & Crystal!).  And, I’m thankful especially for the realization that God is doing work in me!  My achievement orientation is finally shifting!

How are you doing at “being” versus “doing”?  What (or who) is your identity rooted in?

“Defining Moments” defined?

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No doubt about it – I had a defining moment on the weekend.  I preached at our church.  I have preached, taught and been a speaker before…but this time was different.  I was the first woman to preach at our church and I have been terrified of our stage at our church.  Terrified because of its size (the auditorium seats 2100) and all that comes with that (lots of lights, cameras, and tech)….but mostly I have been terrified because of what I think “being there” says.  I struggle with feeling worthy and feeling qualified.  I struggle with general stage fright and with the fact that increased visibility = increased vulnerability and increased scrutiny.  All of this is hooked into the fact that there are some days I can barely manage the critic in my own mind, let alone critics outside of me.  My name is Candace and I am a recovering perfectionist/approval and achievement addict.

So, this weekend was a defining moment for sure…..but I’ve been struggling with identifying what was defined?  When we recognize something as major in our lives, how do we then go about assessing what they mean? 

I’m reminded (again) of Luke 2:19, “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”  Mary knew she had been a part of something major, and wisely (quietly) observed, treasured up and pondered what had happened in her heart. 

Perhaps our part is to “treasure up” and we need to wait patiently on God to reveal meaning.  If I think back, the biggest “defining moments” in my life have been identified in retrospect.

Is my identity different for doing this?  Not if my identity is in Christ.  God, I will put a flag in the ground, a marker on the path, and look forward to the day when you show me what this stake is for.  In the meantime, today, I am grateful for breath, life, and the opportunity to do something for my King that he asked me to do.

Interview with William Paul Young

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Last night I interviewed William Paul Young, author of the bestselling book The Shack in front of our book club.  It was a ticketed event (we were afraid we would run out of space and coffee if we didn’t). Sure enough, we sold out and there was a waitlist. 

He initially wrote this book for his children and now it’s #1 on the NY Times bestseller list, USA Today did a cover story on him, the book got a mention by Jay Leno on The Tonight Show and he’s going to be interviewed on The Today Show in July.

One piece of work has changed his life….and God is using it to change millions of lives.  Of course, with this many people reading it, it also has a camp of critics.  But people’s views of God are being challenged and changed as a result of one man’s work. 

We have no idea what God might choose to use or when that might happen.  It is ours to do what He calls us to do and trust Him with the results.

Motives

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Shortly after my husband and I met, I took a trip to the local motorcycle shop for the sole purpose of learning something that would impress him.  As it turned out, he was more impressed by my efforts to know about what he loves than he was that I knew about air-cooled versus water-cooled engines.

God is the same.  He’s more interested in why we do things than he is in what we actually do.  He wants us to hold our motives (what we want) up against what He wants for us and to bring them into line.

What or who motivates you?