Monthly Archives: February 2012

Only in Ministry

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English: Church pews. Heiligenkreuz Abbey, Austria

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Only in vocational ministry:

- will you be discouraged from keeping a timesheet

- will people expect your family to be part of your work

- is it not uncommon to negotiate pay/hours down (with the rationale that, after you put in the the extra unpaid hours, you still have some room for a day or two off or away)

- will people’s criticisms of your work be (frequently) personal

- can people behave in disrespectful, unsafe, attacking ways – and be welcomed back with little or no consequences

- can a tough season at work separate you and your family from your greatest support system (i.e. your church)

- does leaving your job result in displacement from your roles at church

I’m not saying I don’t understand or even support why these dynamics exist.  I am saying that sometimes the consequences of these dynamics are missed or minimized.  So, knowing what I do about the realities of ministry, what can I do?

As a church member,  I will:

- encourage my ministry leaders to track their time, for the purposes of ensuring they have enough time with their families and taking some time to care for their bodies and their own souls

- tell my ministry leaders’ families that I know they already give so much and that they don’t have to volunteer in a role just to demonstrate that they are supportive

- give financially, attend church business meetings and advocate for good wages and benefits for staff

- encourage ministry leaders frequently and meaningfully – knowing that those whose criticize probably got to them first

-  encourage ministry staff to have supports and networks outside of church because there will come times where you can’t speak to anyone at church (this can be easier said than done).

What will you do?

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Social Workers & Pastors live with depression, too

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Intentionally blank pages at the end of a book.

I intentionally say that I journey with depression. Not out of depression or from depression…my journey is indeed with.

Looking back, I was definitely depressed from about 16-19 yrs old (possibly before) … but it could have just been normal teenage stuff…,
from 20-21….but I was having trouble with a boyfriend and was going through counselling for some stuff, so it might not have really been depression…,
from ~25-26 yrs old….but there was some hard stuff happening at work, so it would be understandable for me to be feeling low and struggling a bit…..,
from around 28-31 – on and off …but I was really having a hard time with some work challenges during that time….there was a lot of stress….and I was starting to think a job change was in order….
from 33-35 yrs old – but that was prenatal and post-partum depression (did you know that most with post-partum depression actually show symptoms pre-natally?)…,
from about 38-39 yrs old – but my husband had lost his job and we started a business and I was contemplating a job change, so it was just “life stuff” – it wasn’t anything thousands of others haven’t dealt with….after all, I’m a Christian…a ministry leader… I have a great marriage and so much to be thankful for….

So why then does it seem like others’ “lows” aren’t as low as mine?  Is it because I’m more dramatic?  Maybe.  Is it because I’m looking for attention?  Nope – if anything I tried to hide it.  Is it that I don’t eat right, pray right, live right, read right, sleep right, hormone right, exercise right?  While these things can all effect depression – the answer still is no, it isn’t these things per se.  And it took 2 counsellors, my family doctor, my naturopath, my husband, my pilates instructor/friend, my sister, some other amazing friends and a ton of reading for me to believe it.

While there is no way yet to diagnose exactly what the issue is for each person (e.g. neurotransmitter levels, limbic or endocrine systems, etc?), what is known is that when a person lives with depression, they can’t just will or behave themselves out of it.  I wanted to be well.  I tried to be well (admittedly, sometimes I tried harder than other times).  I prayed more, slept more, hunkered down more, asked for more support ….and sometimes I got relief from the symptoms … and sometimes not.

At one point, when medication was part of my treatment plan, I saw a psychiatrist to get a proper diagnosis (and some advice on the medication) and the letter back said, “diagnosis: major depression – recurrent”.  It was anti-climactic and yet absolutely comforting.

My naturopath said, “our goal with you is to get you to a place where, when the waves of life come, you’re able to keep your head above water without sinking too much in between.”  That’s it.  That’s mental health.  That’s wellness.  That’s resilience.

I wonder what might have happened if I had received better support sooner.  I wonder how things would have gone if my employers and coworkers were better trained to spot someone who is not mentally well and were more empowered to respond.  I wonder what would have happened if I wasn’t so ashamed of what I couldn’t seem to get control over.

Don’t be ashamed.  Be vigilant in getting help and maintaining supports.  Be gentle with yourself and look around – I guarantee you are not alone.

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Dream stewardship

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I was reading this morning about “dream stewardship” and couldn’t help but see it through the lens of my recovery from burnout and my journey with depression.  Here’s what I read:

What are the key lessons of dream stewardship?

  • Be careful what you say and to whom you say it: “walk before you talk, investigate before you initiate.”
  • Check your ego at the door – too many leaders believe having a dream gives them the right to pursue it all costs.  As they pursue, they alienate others and cause organizational havoc.
  • Practice both now and later – God expects your best effort now so you will be prepared for all that He plans to do in and through you later
  • Trust God in the details

Generally, I think I tried to apply these principles to my work although I know there were times when I blew it.  I did not, however, include considerations for my family or for self-care in my analysis of how to steward dreams.

If I had, here are some things I would add:

  • Be careful what you say and to whom you say it: “Walk before you talk, investigate before you initiate.”  Before rallying your team and moving too far forward with the investigation, consider the impact of this idea on your family.  Do they have the opportunity to tell you what they really think about your great ideas and dreams?  If they tell you they don’t think this “dream” is good for your family, will you listen?
  • Check your ego at the door – too many leaders believe having a dream gives them the right to pursue it all costs.  As they pursue, they alienate others and cause organizational havoc.  What about alienating your family and friends and creating family havoc?  Measure the cost to your family carefully, knowing it is a fallacy if you think you can “make it up to them later”.  What about the costs to self care?  Will taking this on still allow time for you to go for that run or to that pilates class?  Are you fooling yourself into thinking you will be able to make it up to yourself later?
  • Practice both now and later – God expects your best effort now so you will be prepared for all that He plans to do in and through you later.  This applies first to your relationship with God, secondly to your relationship with family, thirdly to ministry/ work.  Are your best efforts *now* in the right priority order?
  • Trust God in the details.  God will honour your efforts in carefully ordering your priorities.  Just because you are inspired to see a dream come to fruition doesn’t mean this is the right time to see it through.  Be patient. 

Lastly, if you supervise others who dream big dreams:

  • ask your staff how they are doing in balancing work and life.  Listen to their answers.
  • when they come to you with a dream, help them to consider if this is the right time for them to pursue the dream by asking them about what time the dream might take away from their family or from their self-care.
  • when a staff person says they need a rest, or more time with their family – do everything you can to help them make that happen, without delay.  In my case, by the time I said something to my supervisor – I was desperate (even though I tried not to show it).
  • model what this looks like to your staff.  Say no to something for the sake of your health or your family.
  • respect and advocate for your staff’s days off.  When they find a day off, do everything in your power to help them protect that time.  So, solve the problem, intercept the “quick call on their cell”, correct others who do not respect their team member’s time off.  This might be the most important thing you do for your staff.

What would you add?

My faulty beliefs

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Looking back, there were a number of beliefs I had that contributed to me burning out:

- if I *can* work harder, then I must

- if I’m discouraged, the best thing to do is work harder

- if I stay late to do one more thing, my family will understand

- if I stay late I can always make it up to my family/ to myself

- working until I crash, then recouping on holidays – works for me

- keeping a Sabbath doesn’t really apply to ministry staff during busy ministry seasons

- I’m keeping a Sabbath as long as I don’t actually go in to work

- high- capacity leaders don’t talk about their limits

- the vision I have for this is so big, it will be worth it to put in so much extra time

…and more.

What are the faulty beliefs you have?  Do any of these sound familiar?  If so – do something about it, please.  Loving one another includes not letting each other get away with this kind of destructive thinking.